I'm Not Old. Just Mature
Today at the drugstore, the clerk was a gent.
From my purchase this chap took off ten percent.
I asked for the cause of a lesser amount;
And he answered, Because of the Seniors Discount.
I went to McDonald's for a burger and fries;
And there, once again, got quite a surprise.
The clerk poured some coffee which he handed to me.
He said, For you, Seniors, the coffee is free.
Understand---I'm not old---I'm merely mature;But some things are changing, temporarily, I'm sure.
The newspaper print gets smaller each day,
And people speak softer---can't hear what they say.
My teeth are my own (I have the receipt.),
and my glasses identify people I meet.
Oh, I've slowed down a bit...not a lot, I am sure.
You see, I'm not old...I'm only mature.
The gold in my hair has been bleached by the sun.
You should see all the damage that chlorine has done
Washing my hair has turned it all white,
But don't call it gray...saying blond is just right.
My car is all paid for...not a nickel is owed.
Yet a kid yells, Old duffer...get off of the road!
My car has no scratches...not even a dent.
Still I get all that guff from a punk who's Hell bent.
My friends all get older...much faster than me.
They seem much more wrinkled, from what I can see.
I've got character lines, not wrinkles...for sure,
But don't call me old...just call me mature.
The steps in the houses they're building today
Are so high that they take...your breath all away;
And the streets are much steeper than ten years ago.
That should explain why my walking is slow.
But I'm keeping up on what's hip and what's new,
And I think I can still dance a mean boogaloo.
I'm still in the running...in this I'm secure,
I'm not really old...I'm only mature
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Attitude
There once was a woman
who woke up one morning,
looked in the mirror
and noticed she only had three hairs on her head.
"Well," she said, "I think I'll braid my hair today."
So she did, and had a wonderful day.
The next day she woke up,
looked in the mirror and saw she
only had two hairs left on her head.
"Hmmmmmm," she said," I think I'll part my
hair down the middle."
So she did, and had a grand day.
The next day she woke up,
looked in the mirror and noticed
she only had one hair left on her head.
"Well," she said, "today I am going to
wear my hair in a ponytail."
So she did, and had a fun, fun day.
The next day she woke up,
looked in the mirror and
noticed she didn't have a single hair on her head.
"Yeah!" she exclaimed, "I don't have to fix
my hair today!"
Attitude is everything.
Be kinder then necessary,
for everyone you meet
is fighting some kind of battle.
Live simply,
Love generously,
Care deeply,
Speak kindly,
And leave the rest to God.
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The best vitamin for making and keeping friends...B1
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Here are ten ways to tell if you have the Red Hat Hattitude:
1. If you have ever eaten dessert before your dinner, you have the Red Hat Hattitude.
2. If you've ever drunk a cup of tea while reading a good book, instead of cleaning your house, you have the Red Hat Hattitude.
3, If you had a Christmas Tree completely decorated with red and purple ornaments, you have the Red Hat Hattitude.
4. If you have become the "Queen of thrift shops" because you are constantly looking for red hats or purple clothing, you have the Red Hat Hattitude.
5. If you don't think a thing about playing a kazoo with your friends at a luncheon, you have the Red Hat Hattitude.
6. If you have fun with a ring or pendant that lights up, purchased at a dollar store, you have the Red Hat Hattitude.
7. If you have a Red Hat Bear or Kitty staring out your back car window, you have the Red Hat Hattitude.
8. If you like to buy rings with huge fake stones, as long as they are red or purple; you have the Red Hat Hattitude.
9. If the presents you were given for Christmas were Red Hat related, you have the Red Hat Hattitude.
10. If you have ever asked your husband for money to go to a Red Hat Convention for your birthday, you have the Red Hat Hattitude.
JUST FOR FUN QUOTES
I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: "No good in a bed, but fine against a wall." -- Eleanor Roosevelt
Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement. -- Mark Twain
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible. -- George Burns
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. -- Victor Borge
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. -- Mark Twain
By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. -- Socrates
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. -- Groucho Marx
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. -- Jimmy Durante
I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. -- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat. -- Alex Levine
My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying. -- Rodney Dangerfield
Money can't buy you happiness. But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. -- Spike Milligan
I am opposed to millionaires... But it would be dangerous to offer me the position. -- Mark Twain
Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP. -- Joe Namath
I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap. -- Bob Hope
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it. -- W.C. Fields
We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress. -- Will Rogers
Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you. -- Winston Churchill
Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty ... But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out. -- Phyllis Diller
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere. -- Billy Crystal